死亡终局（中文版+英文版）第 58 篇

"That was for your protection. Esa had the same idea. I must remain disinterested and aloof, so that I could keep constant watch on Yahmose, and not arouse his animosity." Hori added with emotion: "You must understand, Renisenb, that Yahmose has been my friend for many years. I loved Yahmose. I tried to induce your father to give him the status and authority he desired. I failed. All that came too late. But although I was convinced in my heart that Yahmose had killed Nofret, I tried not to believe it. I found excuses, even, for his action. Yahmose, my unhappy, tormented friend, was very dear to me. Then came Sobek's death, and Ipy's and finally Esa's... I knew then that the evil in Yahmose had finally vanquished the good. And so Yahmose has come to his death at my hands - a swift, almost painless death."

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"Death - always death."

"No, Renisenb. It is not death that faces you today, but life. With whom will you share that life? With Kameni or with me?"

Renisenb stared straight ahead of her out over the valley below and to the silver streak of the Nile.

Before her, very clearly, there rose up the image of Kameni's smiling face as he had sat facing her that day in the boat.

Handsome, strong, gay... She felt again the throb and lilt of her blood. She had loved Kameni in that moment. She loved him now. Kameni could take the place that Khay had held in her life.

She thought: "We shall be happy together - yes, we shall be happy. We shall live together and take pleasure in each other and we shall have strong, handsome children. There will be busy days full of work... and days of pleasure when we sail on the River... Life will be again as I knew it with Khay... What could I ask more than that? What do I want more than that?"

And slowly, very slowly indeed, she turned her face towards Hori. It was as though, silently, she asked him a question.

As though he understood her, he answered,

"When you were a child, I loved you. I loved your grave face and the confidence with which you came to me, asking me to mend your broken toys. And then, after eight years' absence, you came again and sat here, and brought me the thoughts that were in your mind. And your mind, Renisenb, is not like the minds of the rest of your family. It does not turn in upon itself, seeking to encase itself in narrow walls. Your mind is like my mind, it looks out over the River, seeing a world of changes, of new ideas - seeing a world where all things are possible to those with courage and vision..."

"I know, Hori, I know. I have felt these things with you. But not all the time. There will be moments when I cannot follow you, when I shall be alone..."

She broke off, unable to find words to frame her struggling thoughts. What life would be with Hori, she did not know. In spite of his gentleness, in spite of his love for her, he would remain in some respects incalculable and incomprehensible. They would share moments of great beauty and richness together - but what of their common daily life?

She stretched out her hands impulsively to him.

"Oh, Hori, decide for me. Tell me what to do!"

He smiled at her, at the child Renisenb speaking, perhaps, for the last time. But he did not take her hands.

"I cannot tell you what to do with your life, Renisenb - because it is your life - and only you can decide."

She realized then that she was to have no help, no quickening appeal to her senses such as Kameni had made. If Hori would only have touched her - but he did not touch her.

And the choice suddenly presented itself to her in the simplest terms - the easy life or the difficult one. She was strongly tempted then to turn and go down the winding path, down to the normal, happy life she already knew - that she had experienced before with Khay. There was safety there - the sharing of daily pleasures and griefs, with nothing to fear but old age and death...

Death... From thoughts of life she had come full circle again to death. Khay had died. Kameni, perhaps, would die, and his face, like Khay's would slowly fade from her memory...

She looked then at Hori, standing quietly beside her. It was odd, she thought, that she had never really known just what Hori looked like... She had never needed to know...

She spoke then, and the tone of her voice was the same as when she had announced, long before, that she would walk down the path at sunset alone.

"I have made my choice, Hori. I will share my life with you for good or evil, until death comes..."

With his arms round her, with the sudden new sweetness of his face against hers, she was filled with an exultant richness of living.

"If Hori were to die," she thought, "I should not forget! Hori is a song in my heart for ever... That means - that there is no more death..."

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